Hello Strangers ._. i just found these photos in my laptop. It's taken when i went to Water Park with Citra and Silka. So...enjoy ._.

im janey. And yeah, my life isn’t good as you’ve seen in the photos. It has some complicated and weird messy. I’ve born in this world, so i have to living on this. Actually i never asked my mom to bore me. But its already happened. I couldn’t refuse it. And you have to know it, it doesnt mean i wanna die. I just feel so...empty ._.

what does life mean? I never know. I’ve searched it in some books, novels, or even dictionary, but its not compatible to my opinion. Yes, everybody has their own mistakes and their own problems. And the only one we need is trying to face it. Face the problem isnt fuckin easy you know. Sometimes you just have an extrabravery in your self to do it. And honestly i never have it.

I hate to say it but whoever you, who says that, “be yourself” is the best quote ever, i tell you now, its kinda fuckin wrong. Who are you without following some things your friend have? Who are you without following some teenager news? Hello. You’re not living in the stone age. Be honest, you can’t live without following some things, right? You can’t be naturally in this century. Thinking it. If your friend have a newest phone, dont you want to have it too? Dont tell me your answer. Just keep it on your mind and thinking of it all day.

Yep. If you ever learned this one, eww i forget its Sociology lesson or something, they said that human is a social creature. They can’t live without someone else’s help. Damn its true. But if you always be a helper, its another story. You can’t be it ._. sometimes you need to be helped, huh? But when you need it. They suddenly lose like a ghost. Damn its funny ._.

Im a normal teenager. I do like boys. I prefer to listen the music than memorize my biology note. I prefer to chatting with my strangers than do my chemistry homework. Sometimes im lazy to go to school. I hate when i have so many homeworks and exams. I try to do it but when i get the hard question, i just refuse it from my face.

Predominate people is the wrong human. I really hate them. Nope, im not jealous or envy with their life. Goshhh ._. i have some business to do. They like an overconfidence wrong human. They never give another chance to somebody else. They always wanna be the number 1. Fuck them J

Now im trying to love my life. Im trying to face the problems better. Im trying to be the best people. Im trying to ignore some shit that they said.

Yeah sometimes im imagining that i have a free, i mean really free life. No prohibition order. No regulation. I can wanna be whoever i love to. I can around the world by myself. I can fly to the sky with my own way. I can do my homeworks with my working way.

It sucks when you miss that person so much that you look though old photos, conversations, 

and even old status in your  facebook and it brings the biggest smile to your face and all these 

amazing memories, but then you realize you shouldn’t be looking back. but you can’t help it 

because they really had a big place in your heart and they really meant something for you.

I constantly text you. 

hoping i would get a reply.

But knowing i won’t.

I tried calling you.

just to say hi.

But you won’t even bother.

To pick up the phone. 

It sucks, you know

Caring so much about someone.

Who obviously could care less about you.

trying over and over again.

Even if you know you’re wasting time.

Admit it!

You want a boyfriend who will give you their jersey when you’re cold. You want a boyfriend who will comfort you when you’re down. You want aboyfriend who will hug you in front of his friends. you want a boyfriend who will ring you at 12 in the morning on your birthday and tell you that he never want to lose you. you want aboyfriend who will love you for who you are. Society is fucked. 

It will never happen.

Can we try, one more time?

Stop the tape, and rewind.

But if you walk away i know i'll fade.

Cause there is nobody else.

Someday i'll more beautiful.
Someday i'll go travel around the world.
Someday i'll get what i deserve to get.
Someday i'll have too much money.
Someday i'll be a better person.

Someday i'll meet the guy who's gonna treat me well.
Someday you will beg to be with me.
And the last, someday i'll forget everything about you...

am i jealous?

Why should i feel jealous of you? i act like i pretend dont care but deep down inside me i madly care. Do i let to say that you’ve choosen the wrong girl?

There are billion questions flying on my mind right now. I couldn’t answer it all cause i never know what to say about it. Its too confusing. I wish i can go back to my kiddy life, where i no need to thinking too much about love, where i cried because i missed the morning cartoon, not crying fro love or boy.

She is with you. you’re not with me. Destiny walking so unfair. Its walking without let me know who the right person for me is. I can’t handle my life and so do my heart. They’re working wthout my permission. They like and even fall in love with you. they never asked me, “is this guy the right person for you?”

Then, let me say one word for my destiny now. PATHETIC.